Friday, December 28, 2012

The Girl Who IS.

2013.  The New Year. It's funny that one moment can hold so much promise for the future, isn't it?  If you think about it, the New Year is when a lot of people vow to make some earth shattering changes in their lives.  Among many of the popular 'resolutions' people make during the New Year, some vow to lose weight, others to quit smoking, be more positive or let go of a long held grudge.  Whatever the resolution is, we tend to get carried away by the allure that the New Year (henceforth referred to as NY--not New York, but New Years) holds.

So what is it about the clock striking midnight to signify the dawn of the NY?  Is it what you're leaving behind in 2012?  Is it the promise of a fresh start?  Is it the chance to move forward into something different, by actually pairing a fresh start with the symbolism of all that is NYE?  The answer to these questions is different for everyone. However, if we look at history, and tradition in the United States....we're told a very interesting story.  In the US, the kiss shared at midnight is derived from masked balls that have been common throughout history.  In this tale, the masks symbolize evil spirits from the old year and the kiss, purification into the new year.  There you have it. As they say....

Out with the old, and in with the new.

As I ponder the past year, I think of both the good and bad things I went through.  In April, I moved into a house with my boyfriend.  A home, which we fixed up with our own bare hands.  A home, that I thought was going to fix the distance that had formed between us.  Unfortunately, that distance should have been repaired long ago.  However, that's all in the past.  Right now, it's simply a shadow of something. A scar, if you will, just on the tip of my heart. I got to see three of my dearest friends, make the ultimate commitment to the person that they love. I got to see my Monroe grow.  I was there for another, when everything seemed like it was falling apart around her---and because of that, we're closer than ever.  I reconnected with old friends, and made new ones.  I started to make changes in me.  Care about me.  Work towards loving me.  See, through the shit storm---I can find the good; and that's progress.  If I look at the one bad event that stands out, that has affected me more than anything---and I compare it to all of the good....I think that things can't be that bad after all---because as tired as I am hearing these sayings it's true:

Everything happens for a reason
It's always darkest before the dawn
God doesn't close a door without opening a window 
Karma exists....and it's a bitch  

While I am tired of hearing these sayings, I have come to a point where I have opted to let myself believe in them.  If we stop believing in all of the encouragement people offer, we tend to come off as gruff, pessimistic, or even worse-----ungrateful.  

So as I begin to think about how I am going to turn over a new leaf this year, I want you to all think about the implications that follow a holiday like NY.  You see, it shouldn't just be the NY that inspires us to make those earth shattering changes that I mentioned before.  No, we should always want to better ourselves, no matter what time of year it is.  You see, it's so easy to just give up.  Believe me, I'm the QUEEN of giving up.  Don't know how to complete a math problem?  Give up.  Don't know how to fix an error message on your computer?  Give up.  Have difficulty eating right and losing weight?  Give up.  Can't seem to get someone to let you in?  Give up.  You see, here enlies the problem with resolutions, or anything of difficulty.  Once the going gets tough, it's easy to leave it behind....because if given the option to fail, bend over backwards to make it happen---or give up---most of us would choose to give up. 

So here's some advice:

Don't be that person.  Believe me, I have been giving up on myself for a long time.  The victory is so much sweeter when we can say "You know what, I did this...and it was hard as hell, but look where I am now.  I did this."  So, ladies and gents, here are my resolutions:

  • Spend more time with my little sister---and make more of an effort to let her in.
  • Exercise
  • Lose weight
  • Be happy
  • Be fun
  • Be optimistic
  • Make plans and keep them
  • Don't be afraid to say "No"
  • Move forward
  • Let go
There you have it.  Seems like so much and so little all at once, but you know what?  I have so much I have to overcome before any of these can be conquered.  So, I move forward, and try to do so with as much power as I have. 

So as I leave you, I encourage you to think, really think about what I have said here.  Try not to let your resolutions fall by the wayside.  Don't think of the NY is your only chance.  Every single day is a new day. Give yourself a chance, and if you do--please know that your worst critic, your worst judge isn't me, your mother or the strange gas station attendant down the street.  It's you.  So give it your all.

I wish you all a safe and happy NY.  Hopefully you'll have someone to kiss when the clock strikes 12. Hopefully I will too...if not....I will know that what's meant to be....will be. 


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