Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Sometimes there's 'good' in goodbye...

Yesterday, I sat here for two hours thinking about how I could compress all of my thoughts into one swift blog.  I wrote three paragraphs, deleted two.  Re-wrote those two paragraphs, deleted the entire thing. Yesterday, was not a blog writing day. 

So, today, yes today is a blog writing day.  

Since we are somewhat on the subject, I'd like to try something new.  Think about every single thing you did today.  Maybe you got up, went to the gym, went to work---did your thing at work and then came home.  What motivated you to get out of bed this morning?  What motivates you to go to work or do your laundry?  When you think of motivation, there are many ways that we are motivated to complete the necessary day-to-day tasks.  It's fascinating because the very thing motivating you to read this blog, is not the same as the drivers behind you eating a sandwich for lunch.  Yes, that's a given.  Some motivators are inherent, while others are desires that we have perhaps accumulated through habit.  It's simple.  Nature vs. Nurture.  Despite that, as human beings, I find that we all struggle with motivation on some levels.  Even when you look at behaviors motivated by both nature and nurture.  So right now, what motivate you--might not motivate you in the future.  

Two weeks ago, I signed up to run a 10k.  Now, most of you who know me, know that I am, by no means a runner.  I can do the elliptical, and at one time in my life was extremely motivated to the point where I was working out every single day.  In college I would run up the 13 flights of stairs to our dorm room.  I am not certain what happened, and cannot fully explain when it happened.  Over the course of the past 6 years, I gained over 50 pounds.  A time period went by where I was able to lose weight.  Then I gained it back.  I lost weight, then gained it back.  In my lifetime, i've never been perfect--but at the same time, I have never had issues like this.  As time went on, I would end every single week saying 'Starting Monday, I am going to diet and exercise--Sunday is my last hoorah.'  Then it would continue on and on and on and on. 

So, what motivates me now?

It's sad for me to admit.  The very thing that is motivating me now, is the very thing that has been causing me pain for the past month.  It's the pain that forces me to move on.  It's a simple truth; we cannot let our pain consume us--because if we do, it's like letting our soul die.  So we push forward, and we try to focus our energy elsewhere because the very thing that we once put all of our energy into, is gone. 

In this case, I am coming to find that there is good in goodbye.  As much as I'm missing companionsip and affection, two things that I am so afraid I will have a hard time finding--I know that I need to push on and set goals for myself. 

So, I have vowed to start slowly, and start off small.  Running, running away from my past---and running toward my future.  It's all I can do....and I know how to do for now.

For those of you who struggle with the same motivation issues as I do--my advice is this:

Run towards something that challenges you.  Makes you a better person, scares you and excites you all at the same time.

I guarantee, if you do that---you're going to feel so much more whole.



1 comment:

  1. Yay for goals! You inspired me to write in my own blog again. And first post in 6 months, gotta start some where, a walk is starting to run right?