I suppose you're all wondering why I choose to write now. The truth is, I've been pondering getting back into it for awhile. It's been a good year. It's been an amazing year. So I thought I'd do a little recap---and also share some thoughts that have been rolling around in my head for a bit. Not for you, but mostly for me. Because I rarely bask in my own greatness...and I think I deserve that in this moment. Then, I thought again. Some people had a difficult year. Some had a challenging decade. And so, then you wonder. Do I share?
So I'm going to take a different spin. It's been a decade. Which is strange--because I don't really think the 'decades' have been a thing over the course of my last 32 years. You just kind of float from one year to the next, and live your life. Within that there are moments to celebrate, moments meant to teach you something. People come and go. Babies are born. Loved ones are lost. And time keeps rolling. Because time stops for no one. When I think if the last 10 years, they've been filled with changes.
- Started the decade teaching. Thought it's what I really wanted. Thought I was meant to lead our younger generations. But, to be honest, it just wasn't for me.
- So I made a decision. Changed my career direction. Went into HR.
- Was faced with the end of a relationship. Now, if you've read any of the last blogs--you'll know it broke me at the time. Sent me into a tailspin. Reading back, I'm a little embarrassed of how much I let it infiltrate my life. Because I wasn't just me. I was also another person. And my identity (at the time) was that of a couple. Not a single.
- I gained weight.
- I got laid off.
- My car legit got hit by a trampoline in a tornado. Not even lying, it was a real thing.
- I watched someone I loved fade right in front of my very eyes. And there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it.
- Lost a dog.
But, okay. Like, those are all the bad things. Over time, I've learned that's what we tend to focus on--because those are the things that sort of set us back on what we assume is the path we're supposed to be on. In all of those things, though, here's what happened as a result:
- Through that career change I was able to find my true passion.
- The loss of that relationship showed me just how strong I am on my own. It saved me from living a life that I know now would've been super unhappy. Allowed me to travel, go places, meet new people, rekindle old relationships and build my own happiness. It taught me that I am not breakable. That I might have been broken in the moment, but I CAN make it on on my own. Through that, I embraced my family. Hugged my friends a little harder. And nothing can compare to the love I have in my life now. The love they have all unconditionally given me.
- I LOST weight. Found a groove in the gym. Figured out a rhythm. And that's what taught me that I honestly can achieve something when I've made my mind up that it needs to happen. That nothing or no one can stand in my way.
- I found a new job. And I've grown in it. Built professional relationships that I'm proud of--and continue to look for ways to make myself better. More knowledgeable.
- My car got fixed. Because at the end of the day, a car is just a car. Everything, with the exception of people, can be replaced.
- Losing someone you love is never easy. Watching them fade is just as hard. But it's easier when there are people who are there along the way. People who will hold you, cry with you, talk to you. And that is what you learn. You're never really alone.
- In turn, my friends have brought new life into this world, and man, it's pretty amazing to watch those little ones grow and become their own people.
I've traveled. I bought a house. Even when I thought I was behind everyone. Like I was stuck. Like I wasn't following the timeline that society had set out for me. But I set goals, and I achieved them in my own time. I've also learned to embrace the success of others. Because their happiness is important. And just because you're not where you want to be, it's important to love and celebrate them as much as they do for you.
And so, I'll tell you how I've decided to think of these last 10 years. Sure, they had their challenges. But that is life. It's never seamless. But what I also want to tell you, is that it's brought me closer to friends I know I'll have for a lifetime. It's helped me grow closer to my sister---and we've strengthened our bond. We've had so many laughs, a few cries, a few fights. But we're stronger now than ever. It's shown me how strong my mom is--and I'm so blessed to have a woman like her to lean on when I need her. It's helped me, be me.
And I think, that's all we can hope for in this life. So even if 2019 wasn't too great for you, please know that I'm cheering for you. That better things are on the horizon. That even if you don't feel okay about this year, or even the last 10 years, that good things will happen. Because the darkness can't last forever. But please promise me, you won't wish time away. Because every moment (even the sucky ones) is precious.
Wishing you happiness, health, love and success in the coming years.
A.
