Flipping the Switch

It’s been about 2 weeks since my last blog.  Sorry to say, Season 4 of The Vampire Diaries arrived at my doorstep last Tuesday, and it’s been a non-stop Vampire Diaries marathon.  Sadly, I finished the last episode Wednesday night.  Now it’s back to watching movies that I have already seen on Netflix. Even so, it’s my recent TV-watching stint that has inspired what you’re about to read. 

So yes, I have been watching The Vampire Diaries. Embarrassing?  Maybe.  Guilty pleasure?  Definitely.  Anyway, the show follows the teenager Elena Gilbert, as she lives what turns out to be a not-so-ordinary life.  The plot includes vampires, witches, werewolves and hybrids.  Basically, Elena and her vampire B.F.F’s/loves run around their town (Mystic Falls) trying to combat whatever kind of supernatural chaos comes their way.  Now, I can’t go into detail about what happened last season, because one of my reader’s is not caught up.  So, I’ll keep it pretty aloof…while getting my point across. 

Humanity.  We all have it.  Well, hopefully most of us do.  There are three different meanings to the word ‘Humanity’. 

Humanity

Noun

1.       the human race; human beings collectively.

2.       humaneness; benevolence.

3.       learning or literature concerned with human culture, esp. literature, history, art, music, and philosophy.

So why discuss it?  Well, I could go on another random tangent.  However, my sister once told me after reading my blogs that I just need to get to the point.  So, I guess that is what I will do.

I choose to discuss humanity, because I believe it to be at the core of every human (for the most part—unless you are a sociopath).  To be humane, means to have or show compassion or benevolence. There was a time, when I believed in humanity.  Wait, let’s back up.  Let me preface this with a statement:

--No, this is not a blog criticizing our society and the current state of humanity in general.  I don’t have the energy to address that elephant in the room.

Rather, this is a blog about human emotion in general.  I cringe when I write this next statement (because I am not quite ready to even be ‘this person’ again). It’s a blog about feelings. Gross, I said it.  Feelings.  Okay, now that we’ve got that out of the way, I can tie it back into The Vampire Diaries.  Here we go. 

So, in the show, vampires obviously have a choice as to how they can feed.  They can drink out of blood bags, or hunt animals---or they can drink right from the vein of a human.  Usually, drinking out of the vein of a human doesn’t end well for the human (as you can imagine).  Nevertheless, sometimes, in doing so, a vampire can set off a very innate characteristic within.  They can become the hunters that they were created and doomed to be.  As a consequence, humans die.  It’s like a lion or some other kind of predatory creature out in the wild---they will do what they have to do in order to feed themselves.  In the show, vampires are no different.  However, there are two things about vampires (in the show) that we really come to understand. 

1.       Some of the vampires in the show have a regard for human life.

2.       Others have no humanity at all. 

In the show, a vampire has the capability and the choice to shut their humanity off.  They call it ‘flipping the humanity switch’.  In doing so, they feel nothing.  No emotion whatsoever.  They care about no one, and they do as they please.  When the humanity switch has been flipped—nothing stops them from getting what they want, when they want, how they want.  The switch often comes as a result of some traumatic experience or extreme emotional pain.

Pause.  Okay, reading this back, I sound like one of those vampire nerd, freakish weird fake research people.  I am not that person.  I’ve just spent the past 2 weeks watching a show about vampires.  These are just thoughts that correlate somehow with my own life.  We’ll come to that later. 

After watching this show for about a week, I began to think about the implications behind this ‘switch’ and what it would mean for all of us-----should it be a real thing.  If you think about it, there are sociopaths out there who don’t have an ounce of humanity within them.  Those are bad people.  Sick people, but bad people nevertheless.  If we were to take those people out of the equation, what would it mean for the rest of us?  Would it mean that we quite possibly would have the capability to push pain away from us?  I’m not talking about physical pain.  That, I think I can deal with.  I’m talking about emotional pain. 

Okay, I know what you’re thinking: So Melodramatic. Well, I’ll preface this by saying I am the best I have been in months.  Even so, I am a human being—and human beings have feelings.  As we move into better places, we find ways to cope with pain that we might have experienced in the past.  I’ve done that by first, going numb—which wasn’t the best of situations. Everything that I was once feeling waited for me when I was done being numb.  Then I went to feeling everything.  Now I am sort of at a precipice. I know what I need to do in order to keep moving forward, but my foot is afraid to jump across the cliff (no, this isn’t the Grand Canyon, it’s more like a hop, skip and a jump to the other side).  You see, I thought shutting it all off would be the best solution to my problems.  However, much like the characters in the Vampire Diaries, when you shut it off—it’s just waiting for you when you decide to flip the switch back on.

I am not going to lie—I’ve been pretty cold about a lot. I do it because it prevents me from having feelings about many things.  Some of those things include, relationships, new chapters in lives (etc.).  So much of that is driven by jealousy, and that’s terrible.  I can admit it, and know that, like I have said in the past, Jealousy is an ugly thing—and unfortunately we all fall victim to it.

So, let me tell you how I know my humanity is turning back on. Last night, I decided to take the plunge and watch Love Actually.  It’s on Netflix, and it’s a classic.  The story follows various people experiencing different elements of love. So, last night, as I was watching this film—something strange happened:

So there’s this character, Sarah, who spends her days pining after a gentleman at her work, Karl.  Everyone knows that she is in love with Karl, even Karl knows she’s in love with Karl.  During the Christmas party, Karl asks her to dance.  When they actually get to the dance floor, the song transitions into a slow-romantic-type dance song.  They awkwardly stand there, until they decide that they’re actually going to dance.  As she dances with Karl, she starts to smile.  She smiles because she feels special, she feels like everything she’s dreamed about is coming true—and she smiles because she can see and know that things that happen in the movies, can happen to real people.  Now, I am not certain that is what she’s thinking, but I do know that this specific scenario is very real. 

Normally, during a scene like this I will typically roll my eyes, make a disgusted face, or have no emotion at all.  Last night, I actually found myself smiling.  Smiling because, I know that at one time I did feel that—and I know that, someday—there might be hope for me to feel that again.  Hope, that someday—a prince charming will be out there.

My horoscope told me the following today:

You have mapped out a plan that you are certain will bring you the success you have been longing for in a certain area of life. Maybe it’s your love life, or your financial life, or your creative life.  Like a typical Leo, you have probably strategized your goal right down to the last detail.  But you need to toss your plans to the wind.  You need to let go of any kind of rigid rule book and just let intuition wash over you.  It is good to have a plan, but it is better to be open to the fact that a plan’s not always what’s called for.

So there you have it.  I mean, that horoscope could be referencing MANY aspects of my life right now.  It just reaffirms what I said in my last blog…about flying by the seat of your pants.  I guess what I am trying to say is this:

I’ve let go of a great deal, and I STILL hold on to a great deal.  Turning off the emotions sort of put me in a strange place.  I think as I continue to walk the roads of life, things are changing, and I am changing too.  Change is the catalyst to everything.  Tis’ what makes the world go round.  I’m just along for the ride—which I suppose could be really shitty, or really cool along the way.  Regardless of that, I’m just going to keep on running. 

 

A.

50.

50th blog posting. 50 observations/random thoughts/questions/offerings of wisdom for us all.  Take em' or leave' em!


1. The American public (these days) is very against smoking.  It's true that the harsh facts about the effects of smoking have come to light over the past 30 years.  It's just humorous when you watch movies about the 50's and 60's or from the 50's and 60's.  Everyone smoked...and no one cared. Reality kills....and apparently...so does smoking.  Then again, I guess you can get cancer from standing in front of your microwave...so....ponder that...

2.  When you turn 23 or 24, you will start to notice a lot changing in your life.  The biggest change you'll notice, is that every other Facebook post is about getting married or having children.  These are great things!  However, my favorite meme on Pinterest is currently: "All my friends are getting pregnant and I'm just over here with a bottle of vodka like 'No.'"  Perhaps we can attribute that to my current relationship status, or what I've been through this past year.  Either way, pretty hilarious.

3. Another completely funny and true saying from Pinterest: When one door closes and another one opens, it's time to pack up and move because your house is clearly haunted.

4. If you have a sibling, cherish them.  Even the smallest of moments are important--because blood is thicker than water.

5. Like I've said before. Life is all about choices and decisions. Choose wisely.

6. You don't like something about your life?  Evaluate and then change it.  Just know that change doesn't happen overnight. 

7. Waiting for the results that stem from making that change is the hardest part.  Patience is a virtue.  As cliche as it seems.

8.  Friends come and go.  You're stuck with your family forever. I know that sounds bad...but it isn't!  Wait until you have some kind of Earth-Shattering experience.  Take a look at who is by your side.

9. A mother's love is truly something to embrace.  For example, my mother recently told me that she didn't sleep for days when I went through the break-up with He Who Must Not Be Named.  She didn't sleep because she hurt for me.  That's a mother's love.  I also know she loves me, because she tells me I smell, and that I need to take a shower when I get home from the gym.

10. She also just told me that my sheets smell like dog.  Which is true---because I sleep in a twin-sized bed with a 70lb Doberman.  Go ahead, judge me.

11.   Honesty is always the best policy.

12.  It's easy to be a coward, because taking the easy way out is always less challenging than facing down the issue at hand.  Have you ever watched horror movies, or even Jurassic Park?  The cowards always get theirs in the end.  Man up.

13. That being said, I am still trying to decide if karma really is a bitch. I find myself sometimes making assumptions about individuals on the elevator at work.  Then I trip getting out of it.  So I guess karma probably does exist.  I am just not sure I'll get to witness the wrath of such on people who truly deserve it.

14.  Making mistakes in life is OK.  However, it's when you make a mistake so blatantly and blindingly obvious---that it could be unrepairable.  What's worse, is when you continue to do things to rub salt in the wounds that have been caused by your mistakes.  Even worse than that, is failing to accept that you are wrong.

15. Fool me once, shame on you.  Fool me twice, shame on me.  It's simple, and so so true.

16. As we age, we traditionally get married and have families.  When you make the commitment to someone, and when you choose to have children with someone--they become your world.  You don't have the right to be selfish anymore.  Thus, following selfish whims and childish fantasies makes you both selfish and irresponsible. 

17. What's done is done. Most of the time, your actions cannot be erased.  No matter what the effects of them were.

18. I made a joke earlier about one door closing and another one opening.  In all seriousness, the sentiment is very true. It's during those times when that door slams in your face--that you'll see who is there to help you turn around and walk away.

19.  Walking away is easier said than done.

20. It has been said that we grow wiser with age. However, in my experience, we grow more reckless with age. You know what? That's okay, because once you do decide to commit, it's a lot less easy to be reckless.  Although, please do be careful.  It's quite possible that James Dean met his untimely end by being a Rebel Without a Cause.

21.  Living healthy is all about making those damn choices I always reference.  You have to want it. If you truly want it, you'll make it happen.

22. Here's something I find true.  A person always has more sex appeal if they can drive stick shift.

23. If you're a man and you can't drive stick, then someone neglected you as a child.  Also, you should most likely put that on your list of things to learn.

24. Turbulence in an airplane isn't that scary.  I mean, if that plane drops out of the sky, you're probably not going to make it.  Moreover, I am pretty sure my heart would stop beating before impact.  So, in order to avoid chaos, just imagine you're on the Giant Drop at Six Flags Great America.  Then when you land, go get some cotton candy. 

25. I just took a break to go on Facebook.  Whilst browsing, I came across a status about the Miss America Contest---and participants being 100% American.  Yes, this is a given. However, as people responded she went on to say that 'It is completely unacceptable for an Indian/Asian to be one of the top finalists.'  So....wait....you have to be white to win Miss America?  You're American if you're born here.  Then I remembered, this was one of my ignorant former students, from a town of 5 people, who is still in high school and THINKS she knows everything.  You stay classy, former student.  Your attitude will take you far in life.......(insert comment about fearing for the future here)

26. To that end, crack kills---and so does ignorance.

27.  When I was a junior in high school, our English Teacher, whom I admire very much to this day---warned us about the dangers of sitting on our mother's couch, eating potato chips.  While I don't eat potato chips (often), and I do have a job....I am back in my mother and father's house.  I sometimes wonder if that makes me a failure.  Then I remember that I do have the means to go wherever I want whenever I want.  I just choose not to.

28. I'd be lying if I said I STILL believe the Beatles when they said "All You Need is Love."  Really, all I need is a Miller Lite, and a quick verse of rapping Lil' Wayne's 6ft/7ft--and I'm good. 

29. I guess love isn't too bad of a thing either.  I feel a lot of it from my friends and family these days.  It's a different kind of love than I've been used to---but it's pure and honest.  That makes all the difference.

30. For the past month, a bird has shit on my car every single day---in the same place.  I've learned that parking my car just an inch further back than I used to helps.  However, I have also learned that it is socially acceptable to threaten their lives while small children are standing at the bus stop near by.  I mean, who doesn't need that laugh in the morning?  Also, when I say 'who' I mean me.  I need the laugh.  Pretty sure they think I'm insane.

31. People complain about their lives all of the time.  I am one of those people.  However, in my days of constant pondering, I have come to realize that there are some people out there who really do have it WAY worse.  I choose not to discuss these situations directly out of respect for those individuals involved.  Nevertheless, I've learned that sometimes, a child can be 100,000 times stronger than ANY adult is. 

32. Bravery, is staring death in the face while it laughs at you.  Taking bravery to the next level, is giving death the middle finger, all the while kicking it's ass. 

33. Kids are resilient, yes.  Even so, they remember everything, and when they grow up---there's a good chance they'll call you out on your mistakes. 

34. Even if you're female--you'll most likely have some of the same tendencies as your father.  Embrace those, because they'll make you smile at some point down the line.

35. Wear deodorant at the gym.  Please, for the love of God, never forget.  Everyone's workout will suffer if you fail to do so.

36. It's often the human tendency to tell yourself that you 'can't' do something.  Every single time you feel that tendency coming on, think about it long and hard.  You can pretty much do anything you put your mind to.  Even if it scares the hell out of you.

37. Jealousy is really ugly. Unfortunately we all fall victim to it.

38. Just because your parents love, support and nourish you---doesn't make you spoiled.

39. Before you judge someone, get all of the facts straight.  Lacking the facts is a surefire way for you to look like a big jackass.

40.  Stereotypes are often a quick way for you to make evaluations about people that are in certain situations.  I've done that before.  Believe me, don't do it.  You end up being perceived as shallow, cold and callous.

41. How do you tell someone (in a nice way) that they have really bad breath?  Do you beg them to take a stick of gum?  Offer them a mint?  Someone please tell me---because I've tried these things--and it doesn't work. 

42. Always be mindful of the way you treat people.  You never know, that person could be your boss someday.

43. You don't always get what you think you deserve.  Everything comes in good time, and not always in the order in which you desire.  To that end, sometimes you get just what you deserve---and what you get might not be exactly what you like, or want.

44.  Marilyn Monroe was a very famous person.  She made money, and lost money.  She had the looks, the men and the fame; yet she didn't have happiness.  It's sad someone so beautiful and talented thought so little of her own life.  That just goes to show you: money, beauty and fame aren't everything.

45. Someone once told me not to run away from my past, but to turn around, stare it in the face and beat the shit out of it.  She's pretty much right about most things, so I think I'll try that this week.

46. Someday, I want to anonymously buy a soldier's meal. 

47. You can never go wrong with paying it forward.

48. Reading a book is always better than watching Keeping Up with the Kardashians.  While they're entertaining in their own right, a book will always give you more.

49. Never sell yourself short.  Even if you can't beat the crap out of something, make them think you can.  They say it's better to be feared than admired.  Or is that the other way around?  Either way---don't let them know your weaknesses.  Stay strong.

50. I could end this with something about following your dreams and all that jazz.  While it's always good to do so---sometimes you have to let go and fly by the seat of your pants to really get the most out of life.  We really never know exactly where we're going---and that's what makes this life beautiful.


A.