Tuesday, June 4, 2013

At a Glance

Life is full of endings and beginnings. It's part a constant cycle of our existence---and while we can look forward to our new beginnings, we unfortunately cannot escape endings. Endings are inevitable. Sometimes they're good and sometimes they're bad.  I guess it all depends on how you choose to view it. 

In the past few months, I'd say that I've encountered many endings. While a great deal of them proved to be very painful, I know that I'm strong enough to keep running. Or at least that is what I keep telling myself. I look around me and I see that I'm not the only one dealing with change---and for some the hits just keep on coming. Sometimes in life we don't take time to stop and look at what's happening around us. It often becomes so easy to get lost in your own life that you forget to think about others.  

The above was inspired by the changes that I'm currently going through now and the changes I see going on around me. When I look back to this time last year....and I look at myself now, it is like a totally different girl is staring back at me in the mirror. Change is good, and there are new beginnings just on the horizon. It is both exciting and scary. 

I suppose you're all wondering why I chose to name this blog 'At a Glance.' There are lots of things swirling around in my brain right now. I suppose I could compare the changes going on in my life to a glance or glimpse of what my future is to be. However, honestly the concept of a glance is what really inspired me. 

While watching the movie Identity Theft today, I was taken back by a single moment. I'm not going to go into my typical synopsis of the film---because the title is almost self explanatory...

So, there's this one part of the film where Melissa McCarthy gets a makeover before a dinner that she's to have with the man whose identity she has stolen. When she walks into the room he does this double take. Now, let's get two things straight here:

1.) I know and understand that this is a movie....and moments like that are created to engage the audience and force a point. 

2.) I also know and understand that there are many movies that have this type of 'at a glance' moments.

That isn't the point here. The point is that Jason Bateman perfectly executed this moment. In the film he is a married man...and we all know that he doesn't have feelings for this woman; however he does this double take where you can see he genuinely thinks this woman is beautiful. 

I'm not sure if that ever happens in real life. I remember moments of my own where I was told that I'm beautiful. Looking back on it now, I know that I was beautiful to him at that time. I guess what I would like to share here is something very personal. I'm not sure when I decided I could trust my readers with this....but it is all part of this new chapter in my life. 

The one thing that I ask is that you don't judge me. I made some poor life choices and now I have to spend the time to try and fix the aftermath that's been left from those choices.

In the past 6 years I have gained about 50 or more pounds. It is embarrassing. It is disappointing and it's sickening. When people ask, 'How can someone let themselves get to that point?' I want to answer them with:

It's easy to get off track.

Life happens and that isn't an excuse. You get to a point where you stop caring. Then when you realize what you've been doing to yourself all along....it is entirely too late for a quick fix. It's a lot easier to let yourself get out of control---and picking up the pieces from that is very complicated. 

In the aftermath of the destructive behavior I became slave to...I do know that I need to start getting it together. I've always had a poor self image---and the weight has done nothing but destroy me. In this battle I've been my own worst enemy. I've been the destructor. 

June 10th starts a new job for me, and with that comes a new hope and desire for me to get back to a physically comfortable place. It is my hope that someday I'll be able to look in the mirror and have this unfounded sense of pride and appreciation for what I've done for me. 

So now I work towards a better me----in search of that perfectly executed glance.


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