Checks and Balances

I haven't written in awhile....and I think it is because my brain (per the usual) has been in so many places at once that I'm not entirely sure what I'd write about. So I think that today I'll talk about change and progression. Which is something I've definitely covered before, I  know. I sometimes just can't help but focus on it because the notion of change has really made itself apparent to me in the past 8 months.

So the other day I was standing on the deck of some dear friends of mine. I often find myself out there---and really it is a great place to go to in order to think and contemplate. Not that I need a specific place for contemplating because my brain is always going 100 miles a minute. So while I was standing out there, the wind was blowing just right and the sun was setting above the trees. I looked around me and saw Maelynn's bucket full of toys sitting on the deck table. A small trike in the corner and a trampoline in the yard. I thought about the carelessness a child feels at a young age. There's a time when the only thing you worry about is.....well honestly I can't remember what I worried about when I was 4 years old. Sadly, I don't remember being 4 years old at all, really. Anyway, I started to think about the progression of our lives and how the preoccupations of everyday adult life slowly creep up on us. As those preoccupations creep up on us, so do the changes we often don't notice or maybe even try to avoid. Time changes who we are and what we care about. For me, my cares and focuses remained consisted for quite some time. Now, I seem almost obsessed and focused on one thing: myself. As selfish and terrible as that sounds---it's the complete truth. Admitting that I'm the main focus these days is quite difficult. Admitting my current obsession is even more difficult. 

This obsession has taken over a large part of my brain. I will admittedly tell you all, though, that my other obsession has become thinking. I'm in a constant state of thought. 2 weeks ago, I went to my very first hot yoga class. I want to start off by telling you, it's freaking hot in there. Yes, I know that's why it is called 'hot yoga.' Secondly, I have a really hard time taking yoga seriously. You see, because I'm that 'thinker' I have a meditation/concentration deficiency. As we laid on the floor, sweating our asses off, the woman encouraged us to meditate. So I closed my eyes....and the flowing thought process ensued:

"God, it's hot in here...sort of glad I'm laying down; I'm hungry; wonder what traffic will be like in the morning; what should I wear tomorrow; I need new shoes; yep---still hot in here; why is this woman talking about being a fetus safe in our mother's tummy---that's interesting; wonder if we will be done soon; wonder if the person that last used this mat cleaned it thoroughly; sure hope so...."

I'm sure there were more thoughts than that. After awhile I got so lost in my own thought process that I forgot to pay attention. Point being here, I even have a hard time praying at church---and yoga didn't help the process. I know that sounds so terrible. Please don't think I'm this terrible church person. I really do try to concentrate and usually get my thoughts and prayers out before my mind wanders. 

....and I just went on a random tangent.

So....change. I really think it's all about checks and balances. In life, we experience a large amount of changes. Some---don't phase us and others rock our worlds. While sometimes these changes are terrifying, at the end of the day there's a balance to everything. It takes that change to force a person to check their current state. Think about it. Who are you, and where are you going? Why have to made certain choices and what were the ramifications of such? For a long time, I was under the impression that planning every single next 'step' out was the sure fire way to get where I wanted to go. Alas, we make plans...God laughs. He throws those checks in there to balance the course of our lives in a way that sometimes just doesn't seem fair or understandable. That is where the balance comes in. I suppose at the same time the checks come into play too. When our world seems to be coasting along so perfectly, we sometimes need that reality check to remind us to let go--which is the hardest part of change. Letting go means we aren't in control of the change happening around us, and that's terrifying. 

In the end, the biggest thing we can do for ourselves, is let go. Let life happen. Sometimes, as cliche as it is...life will hand you lemons. What you do with those lemons is truly up to you. It's like the Chopped Challenge basket. You have no idea what you're going to pull out of that basket...and sometimes the ingredients you're provided with are outrageous. So if you are in fact provided with lemons in that basket, don't just make lemonade. Do something bigger and better. 

If you do, you're sure to remain balanced in this helter skelter ride we call life. Take on the changes, evaluate the checks, see the balances....and turn your nose up at the lemonade you're expected to make. You never know, you might be on to the next big thing.

A.