Lately I've been thinking a lot a about that thing we call 'The Dating Game.' In all honesty, as someone who is now single after dating someone for 6 years, it's a messy business. When I first embarked on my dating journey after the breakup....I thought that perhaps there was something wrong with me....that there was a reason for all the things I was experiencing. Well, after getting my head on straight, there's two things I've realized:
1.) When something is meant to happen, it will. The more you force it, the less likely it is for something to happen.
2.) There is nothing wrong with you. You might have your faults as everyone does, but in reality there was something incompatible about you and that other person-----
So as I sat down to think of the track of this blog....I thought about a particular person in my life whom I've grown quite close to. Funny thing is, I've never met her face-to-face. Either way, through work and through my blogs we have bonded. So, this one's for you.
New York City. City of big lights and big dreams. I always thought that living in NYC meant you had some sort of a glamorous life. Like Carry Bradshaw from Sex in the City. You know? Walking down the street in your Louboutin shoes with your Prada handbag and Couture sunglasses. In this vision of mine, you'd have the perfect job with the perfect group of friends that you'd meet up with for happy hour. Yes. Most of these visions are in fact fueled by Sex and the City. Regardless of that, I've learned that life in the big city is pretty fabulous; however on the man front it is much like anything you would encounter. I guess it is true when they say you have to kiss a few toads before you find your prince.
After a long story via google chat at work this is the abbreviated version of her story. You see, she's met a few guys in that big city, and they all seem to have the same problem: Dating. This particular guy seemed decent. Until he started really talking. The short of it is, he told her that he wasn't really sure he wanted to date or a relationship. However he did want to spend time with her, hang out and get to know her on a deeper level. So, I'm not sure what you call that. Hanging out? Spending time together? Why isn't it dating? Perhaps there is something with the title of dating that makes it all a little too final?
But wait....this story doesn't stop here. So after a few outings where they saw each other at a common hang-out...things started to seem more interesting. He invited her to dinner with some friends for his birthday (they were going after the bar they were all hanging out at). He left her there talking to one of his friends. So she went home. He texted her wondering where she was. She explained that he left her so she went home. So he said he wanted another chance. They talked. He met her for drinks another night and gave her this whole spiel about how he really liked her and wanted another chance. She told him she would believe it when it actually happened. You see she is strong, and wasn't really about to let him in fully. They left it at that.
So a weekend later, she sees him at the same bar. He acts as if he doesn't know her. What's even more awkward about it, is they run into each other in the hallway by the bathroom. His friend says hello to her. He says nothing.
She gets a text later:
"I'm sorry it was so awkward....you see to be honest....I went to the bar to meet another girl."
So there you have it ladies and gents. In the last year I've seen a lot of shit. I've seen a marriage go awry, I've been dumped only to find out that he's with someone else 2 months later....and then this story. So what are we getting at here? Well, I would love to say that I trust but I don't. From what I can tell the male species has a tendency to be misleading in their own right, not just in this region. I'm not saying it is every guy and I'm not trying to stereotype. It sure does come off that way, though, after reading this. I'm also not denying that some women can be lying bitches. I guess what I'm trying to figure out is this: how many toads do you have to kiss before you find your prince? Also, what's to guarantee that the prince you find is actually going to be that knight in shining armor for the rest of your life?
When I think of it, this is all I can say. There comes a time when the most important thing in your life, becomes you. We often spend so much time investing in others and their priorities and needs. I'm 25. Maybe it's time for me to be a little selfish? I think we all need to go through a period like that. We need to learn how to be selfish, mostly because when it comes time to invest in someone...you won't go completely in. You'll still know how to be a little selfish, you'll know when to put your foot down and when to fight.
So to my dear friend, I say this. Keep doing what you're doing. Go out, dance, drink, play volleyball with your friends, live life in the big city. You're glamorous. Now just be a little more selfish, and that's what's going to help you keep your head up.
Now I just need to follow my own advice.
Stay selfish, ladies.