Fading

There's been  many happenings lately.  I've been so busy this past week, and really these past few months, that I haven't had time to stop and think.  Which, as we all know, is a good thing really.  Now that all of the big events at work have passed, I find myself again realizing the reality of what I feel.  I feel sad that I need to find myself again in all of this.  You would think that after 7 months it would be easy to start feeling normal again.  The reality of it is, when you build an identity for 6 years, it is truly difficult to figure out who you were before you started to build that identity and that life with someone else. 

This time last year, all I felt was excitement and accomplishment.  We bought our first house.  We were making it our own.  It all seems so unreal now.  What do I have to show for it now?  Nothing but a broken heart and a line on my finger where a promise once laid.  For awhile there I was doing really well.  I think that is because I was so occupied with big events at work that I didn't have the time to really think about everything that was tucked away inside my heart. 

Enough of the sad stuff.  On the bright side of things I think that I am actually starting to lose some weight.  I can fit into pants that are two sizes smaller than I normally wear.  Which in itself is a feat.  Honestly I think that my focus is going to be me--as much as I have been saying that in the past, it really needs to happen.  I've been told many times, you cannot allow yourself to be happy with someone else until you are happy with yourself.  Maybe that's true.  For now, I need to allow the bad stuff to fade away...and to stop asking questions so often.  The questions that I am asking do not have an answer. 

So for now I continue on my way......

A.