In 3 days it will have been a week since I spoke with him. Well, really exchanged text messages with him. Lately, I have been finding it easy to act like my old 'self' again. Put a smile on my face, and tuck away the pain until I can deal with it. As of late, I've been trying to shut my brain off. No matter how hard I try, it seems as though that burning sensation, that twinge of pain in my chest continues to make itself present. Sometimes I wish that I could hand someone a fire extinguisher, so they could just numb that pain--that fire burning in my chest. Alas, it's just one of the many things I am going to have to learn to live with as I go through this.
This week has been better for me. I think I have cut myself down to crying only one time a day. Which, compared to last week, is a pretty big deal. Yesterday was tough. I rented a storage unit, so that I could push our memories into a 10x10 square for a bit. Whether or not this strategy will really work, I am unsure. Nevertheless, we trucked the furniture and various plastic totes up into that storage unit. We saved the pictures for last. I grabbed the large frames wrapped in plastic garbage bags, each of them labeled "I don't wanna see" in Stephanie's handwriting. All I wanted to do was look at them. Why? It's like I am glutton for punishment....
I just can't stop.
That is what got me. The pictures. After the storage unit, it was like a flood of everything returning. Again, all I wanted to do was call him---but that wouldn't do me any good......
More to come.....have to go to work and continue onward. As much as I could sit here and ramble on and on for hours.
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